Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
