the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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