So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
