1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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