i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
