It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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