Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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