hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I didn't shave. On purpose
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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