Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
