its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
