I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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