This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
