Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
