True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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