but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
