I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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