Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
