is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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