the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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