the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
