i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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