I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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