if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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