Sry I called you an 8
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
