Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
