Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
