If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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