dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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