I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
