New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
