I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
