we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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