D3 body, D1 cock
I just saw a hot homeless man
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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