if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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