just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
