Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
