At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
