omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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