He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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