i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
