I didn't shave. On purpose
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
