I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
