they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
