I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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