Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
