I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
