12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my poor anus
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
