Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Come see our sink grown plant.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
