I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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