dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
