My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
