I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
