We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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